i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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