my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
