Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I stole a fireplace last night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
