her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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