Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
