problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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