i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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