so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
