i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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