My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
