Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
