take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
