you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
