Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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