I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think my vagina is haunted
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
