yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
