Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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