I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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