Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
