Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think my moral compass just broke
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
