it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
