Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
