Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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