that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
