i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
