I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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