taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
