# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
