You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
