Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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