what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
