That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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