dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
