The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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