So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
