Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
