Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
