I've blown a few things in my day
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
