It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
