right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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