Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
