Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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