you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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