No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
