So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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