The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
