I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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