used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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