there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
