i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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