um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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