Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
