Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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