Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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