Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
