So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
