I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
