I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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