Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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