dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
