Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
