i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
