Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
