I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
