were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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