i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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