Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
