i just had sex bonerless
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He called his prostate his "boner button".
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
