ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize