Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
