You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
