thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
